Exploring the Costs of "Goodness" and Its Implications for Self-Development
Elise Loehnen's On Our Best Behaviour: The Price Women Pay to Be Good is an unflinching exploration of the cultural scripts that shape women’s lives. I found the book personally relatable and I know many of the clients I have worked with would to. Loehnen delves into the pervasive impact of the "seven deadly sins" on modern womanhood, exposing how these ancient moral constructs still influence our behaviours, choices, and self-perceptions. This book is more than a critique—it’s a call to action for women seeking self-awareness, liberation, and personal growth.
Decoding "Goodness" and Its Burden
Loehnen argues that society’s definition of a “good woman” often leads to self-suppression. From being selfless to accommodating, many women unconsciously internalise roles that prioritise others at their own expense. The book examines how virtues like humility, patience, and generosity can, when overemphasised, morph into self-sacrificing tendencies that erode personal wellbeing.
For women committed to self-development, this insight is pivotal. The first step in breaking free from these constraints is recognising them. Loehnen’s analysis helps readers identify the subtle ways these expectations manifest in their lives, from saying “yes” to everything to feeling guilt over ambition or success.
Unpacking the Seven Deadly Sins
Each chapter explores a "sin"—pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth—and how it is weaponised against women.
For instance:
Pride is reframed as arrogance, discouraging women from celebrating their achievements.
Wrath is cast as unfeminine, silencing women from expressing rightful anger.
Greed becomes the stigma of wanting more, be it money, power, or freedom.
Loehnen doesn’t just highlight the problem; she offers pathways for reclaiming these emotions in constructive ways. Pride becomes self-worth, wrath turns into boundary-setting, and greed transforms into self-advocacy.
The Role of Self-Development in Reclaiming Power
This book aligns deeply with the journey of self-development for women. Loehnen encourages readers to rewrite their own narratives by questioning societal norms and redefining success on their own terms.
Key takeaways for personal growth include:
Self-Compassion: Forgiving yourself for falling short of impossible standards.
Authenticity: Embracing your full self, including the parts society deems “too much.”
Courage: Challenging the status quo to prioritise your wellbeing and goals.
These lessons are particularly relevant for women in leadership, caregiving roles, or transitional phases of life, where societal pressures can be most intense.
A Catalyst for Feminine Empowerment
What makes Loehnen’s work so powerful is its mix of historical analysis, personal anecdotes, and actionable insights. By linking ancient doctrines to modern struggles, she bridges the gap between theory and lived experience. The book becomes not just a critique but a tool for transformation, inspiring readers to reclaim their agency and craft lives rooted in balance, joy, and purpose.
A Reflection on Goodness and Growth
For women navigating self-development, On Our Best Behaviour is both a mirror and a roadmap. It reflects the pressures we’ve internalised and provides guidance for breaking free. By examining the price we pay to be "good," Loehnen empowers us to redefine what it means to be whole, fulfilled, and authentically ourselves.
This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to understand and overcome the invisible forces shaping their journey. It invites women to step into their power—not by abandoning goodness, but by reimagining it on their own terms. If you're looking to deepen your self-awareness or support your personal growth, Loehnen’s book offers a compassionate and enlightening perspective. It’s a must-read for women ready to shed the weight of outdated expectations and step boldly into their truth.
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